Spinning

This isn't like most of my poems. It is written as a stream of consciousness. There are different speakers and no dialogue tags. It's written the way I remember it.  

Spinning 

Pressure's dropping!
We've lost the heartbeat!
Give it a minute.

Give it a minute?

See if it comes back up.

Everything goes white
I grab at the sheet,
scrunch it into my fist
gotta have something to cling to
feels like I could
                        slip away...

It's not coming up!

I'm never covering another lunch!

The ceiling is spinning.
It’s exactly the way
it looks on television?  

My head is spinning
My heart is spinning
in opposite directions.
Centrifugal force will soon
rip me apart.

I am going to die.
I'll never hold my baby!
His heart stopped!
He could be suffering brain damage!
He could be dying!

Please, Jehovah,
whatever happens to me,
don't let this baby die.
I will gladly give my life
for him.

We're going to cut vertically
to gain faster access to the uterus.

Whatever you have to do
just don't let him die.

Table
shaped like a cross,
naked now
all modesty is lost.

They strap me down,
yet I feel like I will slide off
spill all over the floor.

Arms spread
like Jesus on his torture stake.
How fitting.

Where's my husband?

Putting scrubs on.

I feel sick to my stomach.

Try to relax. 

The anesthesiologist 
strokes my hair.

Is my baby okay?


They've got you opened up.
They haven't got the baby out yet.

They have to hurry!

My husband walks in
looking greener than his surgical mask
pupils dilated
in the brightly lit room.

The nauseous feeling overtakes me
my stomach erupts
stringy sputum runs down my cheek.

My husband turns
from green to gray.

The anesthesiologist wipes it away quickly.
Thankfully.

I'm sorry.

You're just having a reaction to the morphine.

There a flutter of activity
but I don't hear anything.
How's the baby?

There’s a strong newborn scream. Finally. 

Thank you, Lord.

He's beautiful, Babe
my husband’s voice quivers
He's just beautiful.

__________________________________________________________

Have you ever started out to write a song about something and had it take a completely different direction? I was trying to write a poem for Graham's birthday (he will be 26 on May 13th) but I ended up with a poem about his birth day. 

After 145 hours of labor (yes, over six days) Graham was delivered by emergency C-section. Actually, this was just the beginning of the story. I got a staph infection in that operating room and nearly died before the doctors caught it. It took 4 months and loads of antibiotics for me to recover from it. Graham also had health issues and developmental delays. He's fine now. He is such a blessing. He is everything a mother could ask for. 


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